Jailed the Heart

Today mood and feeling is kinda unstable.
Well, not angry nor depress,
just can’t decide what should I do.

In the morning,
I already realise that she’s actually waiting for the man to give her a gift,
as today is the White Valentine.
she didn’t really expect much from it,
as she also know that the man might not really interested in her.

While I’m on the bus,
I’m actually planned to make a simple website as postcard for her.
I think that might at least make her happy,
even thought I don’t have to admit anything.

when I’m working,
I think a lot about everything surrounded me and her.
I do know that she’s someone who got much higher ‘requirement’.
Basically, I’m really not her type.
I did think that,
if I really make that for her,
she will probably know that I’d like her a bit,
and probably will think that I already fell for her.
The consequences might be, we might not even be friend at all.

Even thought I did like her,
but I don’t really think that I want to start any relationship.
I already decided not to start any relationship unless everything of my life is stable,
which now isn’t the time as well.
Even thought the two days was very happy,
at the end I’ve decided that,
maybe everything will be much better if we stay the sample,
rather than breaking everything apart because of my rush decision.
Well, I’m A-type Taurus at the end,
someone who always think every possible consequences before making any decision.

Maybe my current decision might actually lost the chance for us to be together,
but actually I’m convincing myself to not feel bad toward that,
as maybe I’m just too lonely and fell for the wrong feeling.
It is good to think twice before making any decision.
I don’t want to lose the friendship,
so it’s much better not try to break the barrier.

So today I try not to talk to her too much,
try to fall back into my daily routine without thinking too much,
the same old day,
just like before she’s here.
Maybe people will think that I didn’t have to courage to love,
but actually that’s the truth.
Ever since I first having crush on someone,
I always scare that I will lost her as a friend.
I’m still always me, never change.
Maybe my coward feeling just get worse after my first relationship.

I still think that this is the best decision,
as myself know very well about my condition that,
I’m busy all day for working and study,
the only rest day is Sunday,
which is housekeeping day as well.
I also need to save money for my school fees or else in the coming June,
I might be sent home because don’t have any fund to pay for the school fees.

At the end,
I locked my heart just like what I did before.
It is still in the lock,
nearly break out.
I can have the strength,
enough to sustain this,
lock it until it’s the time for it to fly.


About CPYap

Current student of Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) and Bachelor of Information Technology (Computer Studies)
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